:: Cher Gorman :: Being Professional

Being a Professional

By Cher Gorman

Growing up in the south, I learned some fundamental etiquette practices from my mother and grandmother in regard to how a young girl or woman should conduct herself. Here are a few of them:

If you're in an accident and you aren't wearing fresh underwear, change them before the paramedics arrive.
Never take your shoes off in public even if your toes are broken and blood is oozing around your ankles. If someone asks if you're okay, say you are fine.
Always eat something prior to a social function because a young lady must never arrive starving, eat everything in sight, therefore heaping embarrassment upon herself and her family.
When someone asks how you are, always, always say you are fine, even if a crazed maniac broke into your house hours before, one of your limbs has just been amputated and your hair is on fire.
When visiting someone and they offer you refreshment always say “No thank you, I'm fine,” even if you've been lost in the woods for several days, chased by wild pigmies and slow roasted over a fire, all without benefit of food or water.
Never wear shorts when you go downtown to shop because only hookers wear shorts and stand on street corners.
Never show your midriff in public unless you're wearing a bathing suit and only if you're in a pool, otherwise you must wear an ankle length bathing robe while reclining in a lounge chair, sitting in the car or inside your house.
Sit in church as though a steel rod is rammed up your spine and your limbs are made of oak. Pretend you have lock jaw except when singing a hymn.
Remember young ladies never sweat, they glow but you must do neither unless you want to be mistaken for a hooker wearing shorts standing on a street corner.
If you flub your piano recital, your only option is to immediately flee the country. Afterward your family will declare that a brazen imposter performed at your recital, because you recently left town and joined the Peace Corps.

As I thought about these social practices, I decided it might be fun to twist them and see how they could apply to being a professional.

When attending a writing conference, don't be the focus of one of the horror stories, editors, agents and other writers talk about over cocktails and dinner. Instead be the focus of their conversation concerning your professionalism. Here's how.

Say It with Style

Wear a nice outfit, some makeup and style your hair even if you don't normally do any of these things because you are a busy stay-at-home mom who when not writing is a chauffeur, a laundress, a housekeeper, a cook and a doctor. You only have one chance to make a good impression so make it count. You don't have to look like a model from the pages of Vogue; you just need to appear neat and pulled together. Do this whether or not you have an editor or agent appointment.

Getting Personal

When you go in for your editor or agent appointment, smile, shake their hand and look them in the eye. Nearly all of them will ask “How are you?” Don't say the morning you left for conference you discovered your fifteen year old daughter was pregnant, your nineteen year old son was a drug dealer and your husband was a transvestite having an affair with his dentist. They don't want to hear about your personal life. Just say, “I'm terrific. How are you?”

Spitting Gold Coins

Once you've exchanged pleasantries, sit down, pitch your book and use only your allotted time which is generally about ten minutes. If the editor or agent is so impressed by your pitch they ask to hear about any other work you might have to offer, go ahead and pitch your other work, but again be mindful of your time slot. Above all, be prepared. Practice your pitch with your critique group and consider any suggestions they might have for improvement.

No Whining Allowed

When you're finished--whether or not the agent or editor asked to see a partial--smile, shake their hand and thank them. You can bitch, moan and kick something that won't kick back up in the privacy of your hotel room. When you go home, write them a nice note thanking them for their time. Editors and agents have minds like steel traps. They remember--everything and they will remember you for your professionalism.

To Err is Human, sometimes

When submitting your manuscript make sure your story targets the right editor, agent or publisher you are submitting to. Double check the guidelines, re-read your manuscript for spelling or grammar errors your spell check might have missed, and correct any formatting mistakes before mailing your package. Don't ignore any of the above because it marks you as an amateur rather than a professional.

Don't be a Nudge

Suppose you're on your way to the bar for a drink after a grueling day of workshops and editor and agent appointments. When you step into the bar you see a multi-published author who happens to be a friend sitting in a cozy corner chatting with her agent or editor. Don't go over, interrupt their conversation, pull out a chair and sit down. Published authors don't have an opportunity to see their agents and editors often and usually look forward to talking with them at conference.

Besides they are probably discussing business and how they can make their work stand out even more in the marketplace. If you insinuate yourself into their private conversation, you will appear ill-mannered and aggressive. Neither your friend nor their editor or agent will be impressed.

Greetings and Salutations

During conference when you break for lunch and the restaurant is packed but you see a vacant chair scattered here or there, don't be afraid to go over and ask if it's all right if you join them. This is a good way to meet other writers and introduce yourself to editors or agents that you might not otherwise get the chance to meet.

Party Crasher

Okay, you're unpublished, it's Friday evening and every one of your published friends is attending an exclusive party hosted by their publisher. You feel lower than a slug and are certain every industry professional attending the conference is staring at you with pity in their eyes. No matter how tempting, don't crash the party. Remember what I said about editors and agents remembering--everything?

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

You've stepped into the ladies room in time to see the editor you were unable to get an appointment with, slip into a stall. Quickly, you go into the stall next to them, pull your latest, most brilliant manuscript from your bag, shove it under the side of your stall and insist they read it. Don't! You will stick in their memory like a little dog with an annoying bark.

Teetotaler

After the awards ceremony is over and everyone is enjoying a drink at the cocktail party afterward, try not to overindulge. You don't want to come face to face with an industry professional, swaying on your feet, blurry eyed and slurring your words. You would definitely make an impression, but not a good one.

The Crusades

If so much etiquette is involved in attending a conference, why bother? Attending a conference is imperative for several reasons. First and foremost it's a learning experience. The more you learn, the more comfortable you will be when you find yourself in a group of published authors and industry professionals.

Second, most conferences offer a variety of craft workshops in addition to workshops geared to the published author. A novice writer needs all the help she can get in honing her craft and in learning how to interact with editors and agents. Not all of the workshops you attend will turn on that pesky light bulb in your brain in regard to problems you've been having building characters, weaving strong plots or learning how to handle point-of-view. However, in attending a conference, going to as many workshops as possible the chances of you learning something new are practically guaranteed.

Third, conferences teach writers that despite myths and ancient legends handed down through the centuries, editors and agents do not have fangs, breathe fire or drink the blood of unpublished writers. They are human beings with the same fears, foibles and dreams like the rest of us. They get married, they eat, sleep, drive cars, have children and wonder what they are going to fix for dinner. If you remember nothing else, remember this--they love writers and they are always looking for great stories, so don't be afraid of them.

Fourth, conferences are held in fun, exciting cities like New York, Chicago, Reno or San Francisco. Going to these cities allows you to broaden your horizons by visiting new places. Often, as part of a conference package, special tours and outings to interesting or historic places in the city are offered to the attendees a day or so prior to the start of the conference. Take advantage of these offers if at all possible. This is a great opportunity for you to meet new people and glean ideas for your books not to mention gathering first hand knowledge of a city to use as a possible setting in a future book.

Last but not least, editors and agents attending conferences generally grant appointments. This is a golden opportunity for a writer to meet an editor or agent face to face and pitch their book.

Oh, no, you say, I couldn't do that. I'd be scared to death. I'd make a fool of myself... Remember what I said about editors and agents being human? They are nervous and under stress too. They worry about saying the wrong thing, they worry about hurting a writer's feelings, they worry about the pile of work they left behind in their office so they could attend the conference. Get an appointment and get your feet wet. Trust me, the water's fine.

Wishing, Hoping, Dreaming

Being a professional also applies to contests. Entering a contest is a gamble. You pay your money, sign the entry form and send in your entry. Then you wait and hope for the call or e-mail declaring that you are a finalist.

If you don't final, but instead receive a lot of negative but somewhat helpful comments about your story, be sure and write the judge a thank you note, even as you're muttering under your breath at their complete lack of writing craft knowledge. If they didn't like your story, they still spent time and energy reading your work.

Let's say your gamble paid off and your manuscript is a finalist. Your spirits are flying and your hope is off the charts. On the day the winners are announced, you receive a phone call or e-mail stating that your story, “Toppy Templeton Tempts Thomas” won third place or an honorable mention instead of first place which, in your opinion, your story absolutely deserved.

Despite your crushing disappointment, be polite, be nice, be appreciative. Smile as you talk to them over the phone. They will hear the smile in your voice and won't forget how nice you were.

This could pay off down the road when you go into a crowded restaurant during a conference, see an empty chair and ask if you can sit down. To your delight, you discover that the coordinator from the contest you entered, a couple of the first round judges and the editor or agent who ranked the finalists is sitting at this particular table. There's a lot to be said for paying it forward.

Let Your Good Attitude Shine

Last, but not least, don't forget to nurture a good attitude. Here is a quote for you to remember as you navigate your writing life and your life in general.

“Attitude” by Chuck Swindol

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than education, than money, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...We are in charge of our ATTITUDES.”